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PREPARING FOR THE RE-LAUNCH

As I embark on re-launching HER podcast, I needed to go back to the beginning.  It's been 15 years since I began this journey of Healing, Empowerment and Restoration but somehow I feel that the journey has just begun.

Grief.  My journey started with grief.  Most often when we think of grief, we associated it with death of a loved one and that is right where my grief began...with the death of my mom in 2005.   Since then I've learned a lot about grief including that any type of loss brings grief.  That year I experienced 3 losses - loss of a loved one, loss of a marriage and loss of a job. So I was REALLY grieving and boy o by was I a basket case. Maybe I should have said 4 losses because in the midst of everything I lost myself.

For 16 years I had played the role of wife and mother.  I was very young when I married - 23 with an 18 month old daughter whom I loved more than life itself.  I was determined to be the mom that I always wanted and to give my children the family life that I always craved.  I immersed myself into being the best wift and mommy ever

 I thought I did everything right.  I was a member is good standing at church, kept a clean house, cooked healthy meals, 3 daughters always clean, well-dressed, hair done. Husband a well-respected deacon. I was a sabbath school teacher, choir member, bible study leader etc.  Living across the street from the church, our house was like Graham Central Station on Sabbath with church "family" gathering for potluck dinners

I was a supportive and encouraging wife  wife who helped him stare and run a business, To the outside world we were the picture perfect church going family running a successful business.  My reality was something different.

Looking back, I realize that those were all HIS people.  When I married him I not only took his name, but I accepted his religion, family and friends. I forsook people who I'd grown up with, my childhood friends and even some relatives because I thought I was in love and focused solely on my family life.

Don't get me wrong, my mom, g-mom, aunts, great-aunts and god-mother were always around; looking over me.  They'd seen and or experienced it all before.  They knew the intricate details that I tried to hide from the world.   They knew what I didn't know yet

 - that I had created a bubble for myself and my children and that one day that bubble would surely burst.  I turned 40 in February of 2005 and that is the year my bubble finally burst. Grandmom, great-aunts were gone by then and my mom would be gone later that year.  In March I finally got the courage to leave a loveless marriage that had turned out to be a total lie. That lead to me leaving my place of employment because that was tied to him and them mom died.  I was left to deal with the aftermath all alone. 

Being a product of a matriarchal family of strong black women, I had it in my blood to stand strong in what would be the journey of a lifetime.  This was the toughest period of my life and I was all alone. I tried to remain faithful and encouraged.  I thought " seven. Seven years and it will be done.  Seven is the number for completion according to the bible. Well 7 years came and went and my life was still in turmoil.  Now, to be honest, I bought a lot of it on myself.  All the anger, bitterness, sadness, betrayal made me onery and I became my own worst enemy. So 7 years came and went so I thought EIGHT! Eight is the number for new beginnings!  After 8 years things will get better. But I was still in a state of utter confusion, still very angry and hurt. I tried praying, writing - I did all kinds of things to keep myself busy and took it day by day.  I wrote a book which was therapeutic but I realized that I was blaming EVERYBODY for what I was going through and that no one was really to blame.  Not even me.  This was just life.  My life.  My journey. and I had to find my way to my destination. The destination was to be HEALED EMPOWERED AND RESTORED.

I now understand that it is not about the DESTINATION; it is about the JOURNEY for the journey is where you grow.  It is where the lessons are learned, wisdom is acquired and your character is developed.

PLEASE VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE AND SUBSCRIBE SO THAT WE MAY CONTINUE THE JOURNEY TOGETHER, ENCOURAGING AND UPLIFTING ONE ANOTHER.

HERHEALEMPOWERRESTORE.COM

The Story of HER. (HERstory)

When I chose the brand HER...Healed Empowered Restored, I just thought it was catchy, cute, and inspirational. But then one day I ran into my soon-to-be ex-husband's current paramour at the convention center.  I overheard her talking ro somebody saying "That's her right there."  It wasn't until then that I fully decided to become and remain 

HER.  HEALED EMPOWERED AND RESTORED

I had experienced three life-altering losses  in one year, my mind shut out 2 of them; the separation and the unemployment. I guess my mind has its own defense mechanism. So, I only dealt with the the sudden loss of my mother. That was the most devastating loss of the 3he. While I was still mourning and grieving this loss, my ex filed for divorce in 2006. I had no desire or strength to deal with that at that time so I said ok and we divorced and he kept everything and I got $10k. Hardly a pittance, but it was done and I could now finish the grief process of losing a parent. So, I did that. But had to go get that divorce stuff off the back burner in 2007 and deal with that. Easier said than done.

I didn't think I was affected so much by the divorce. It was a marriage that should have never happened in the first place. But I stuck it out for 16 years. I was submissive. I went to church, prayed, raised my 3 girls, and was a devoted and supportive wife and mother. But something happened when I turned 40. I had become a grown woman and I wasn't taking no more shit. I put my foot down and prayed that he would change and become the husband I deserved. But it didnt happen. I felt that God had forsaken me. Then, come to find out it was all a lie. At this point I became a cocaine addict. Marijuana was no longer enough. I lost every material possession I had and I was still unemployed. I got me a boyfriend who was a dealer so that  "could keep getting high. I didn't even like him, but he served a purpose. I still felt betrayed and forsaken by God. I tried counseling twice. The first time was with a female counselor, who, after 30 mintues of me talking had tears streaming down HER face. Then she touched my knee. i guess it was a comforting gesture, but I was not comforted and never went back. Then I went to a male. He immediately wanted to put me on Cymbalta. I refused to be medicated. I didn't think there was any medication that could help me.

By October, 2008, I realized that I had hit MY rock bottom. It was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's death and I was tired of getting high. Suicidal, I went to the ER and was admitted to Belmont, with no medical insurance, but they had resources that allowed me coverage. I faked taking the meds they prescribed (LITHIUM< WTH? Then they tried to assure me it was ok..."it's the same meds Martin Lawrence takes" lmbo) anyway, I wasn't taking that mess.

Now, that's not to say that some people may need their medication. I'm not knocking anybody who takes them and it works for them. I just knew that wasn't what I needed.

I stayed in Belmont for 8 days. Watche the Phillies win the Championship there. Came home. Put distance between me and the boyfriend ( I was still unemployed). Never went to any meetings but stayed clean...for a while.

Where were my family? Friends? Who knows? Who cares? I obviously didnt need any of them. When you look up and all you have is GOD, then guess what? GOD is all you need! I'm a witness! I had like 3 friends who stuck with me thru thick and thin. My children had gone to live with their father and he was now taking me to court for child support. They didn't know what was really happening to me because I always kept on my mask for them. But they're not stupid. They definitely knew I wasn't the same.

On Dec. 8th I started working, making less money than I have EVER made in my ENTIRE life, and had an eviction notice. Oh Yeah, I had also started gambling and often too rent money from boyfriend to casino. Didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew that I was NOT moving with the boyfriend. So I just kept praying..and looking for apartments. On Christmas of that year, I got high.

By February 2009, I had found an apartment on craigslist. I called the young lady and when she told me the location I said never mind. She convinced me that it wasn't that bad and to at least come look at it. Here I am about to be homeless and being choosy. lol Low and behold it is a beautiful apartment! Spacious only one bedroom, but hey, it's only one of me. I got a sofabed in case kids wanted to come spend some time. The young lady wanted to sublet her apartment and move with her significant other to their City Ave. apt. She didn't want a deposit, I just had to pay the monthly rent until her lease was up in July. PRAYER WORKS.

By the time her lease was up, I still didn't have money for a deposit, but the landlord let me make an arrangement to pay him a little extra each month!

So, when I say I'm healed, I'm thinking that I'm healed from all the hurt, bitterness and anger that I was experiencing. Healed from the scars of emotional, mental and physical abuse. Healed from not loving me. With no medication.


I've learned to love myself. Flaws and all.

Next to loving Jesus, that's the greatest love of all!

I thought I had begun to be empowered when I got a job. But that's not true. I became empowered when I stopped allowing substances to control my life. I became empowered when I stopped using them as a crutch to hide the pain in hurt I was experiencing. I became empowered when I took my power back and stopped allowing circumstances and people control my actions.

Restoration came only after I surrendered to Jesus. I had to realize that I have absolutely NO control over ANYTHING except my relationship with Him. I couldn't control my hurt, anger, bitterness I had to surrender it to Jesus...AND LEAVE IT WITH HIM. Only then would I begin the restoration process.

This is a daily thing. I have to surrender daily.

Long story short.

Healed...Empowered...and Restored.

" TIME ISN'T THE MAIN THING, IT'S THE ONLY THING" Miles Davis

 Four years.

It has been 4 years since my last post on my blog. There has just been so much going on.  I feel like Dorothy caught up in a tornado.  But the good news is that I RECEIVED A KIDNEY OF MARCH 16TH!

But I am working on it and believe me, it will be worth the wait.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support throughout the years.  

Please keep my Donor's family in your prayers.

I am sincerely and eternally grateful.

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO DELAWARE VALLEY NEPHROLOGY!  IF YOU EVER HAVE A KIDNEY PROBLEM GO SEE THEM.  THEY ARE THE BEST!

"Seasons of Hope" Part 1 NOW Available on Kindle

"There is nothing new under the sun."

For many centuries, sexuality has been a taboo subject.  People of the same sex have been attracted to each other since ancient times.  Homosexuality and Lesbianism has been the root of self-hatred, suicides and mental illness in individuals.  In an effort to not disappoint parents, family and society, some try to live a “normal” life. This decision often has adverse effects on the individual and the people in their lives.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE!

"Seasons of Hope" is a fictional account of one woman's journey through a series of unfortunate, life altering events.  At the root is her coming to the realization that her husband is gay. The story follows one man’s struggle with his sexuality and the lengths he will go through to keep it a secret.  .  It takes the reader on a spiritual  journey through  seasons of betrayal, brokenness, healing, empowerment and restoration.

"An ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie."