But the other day, a Facebook memory popped up. It was a video of my fellow dialysis patient, Ms. Kourtney. Those of you who know me know that she already had a special place in my heart once I learned her name. Kourtney with a "K". That's my youngest daughter's name.
Md.Kourtney was an older, very fragile woman who was always dressed nice and had everything one would need to make you as comfortable as possible during treatment. But she was always so sad.
When we first met, she had just finished her 4-hour treatment and was waiting to be picked up. (Ms. Kourtney lived in a Nursing Home and like most of the older patients relied on strangers for almost every aspect of her life. And health.) I was waiting to go in. She was sitting there moaning and crying because...well dialysis can do that and much worse to a person. You could tell her family made sure that she had the best of everything, but did not have a lot of time. What I came to learn is that if you don't have people who show their faces or call to check on what's happening with you, you will almost assuredly fall prey to neglect and apathy.
I as known as THE CANDY LADY because, well I always had candy. Jolly Ranchers were my specialty. I offered a few to Ms. Kourtney during our first encounter and we'd been friends ever since. Then one day, somehow we were on the same schedule. When I came in she was already on the machine and was moaning and groaning. I was positioned where I could see her and the people on either side of her. I was still pretty new to dialysis, but I could see that her machine was running twice as fast as the ones on either side of her. As I said, she was an older and very frail woman. She sat in between two younger men whose machines were going much slower than hers. Then I looked at mine. It was about the same rate as Ms. Kourtney's two neighbors.
Let me explain what I mean when I say her machine was running much faster.
Dialysis is the most unnatural process in the world. The machine actually removes blood from your body, filters it, and puts it back. The speed at which the process goes can be changed to different degrees of fast and slow. If it is too fast it will drain you and cause you to be uncomfortable and in pain and/or cramping. So for the life of me, I couldn't understand why they didn't slow down Ms. Kourtney's machine.
This went on for about 3 more sessions. On that 4th session, I could tell that Ms. Kourtney was tired. The moans and groans were now accompanied by cries of "TAKE ME NOW JESUS. PLEASE TAKE ME NOW" She kept repeating over and over and over. I knew she was done when she didn't want any candy. She waved me off and away. I know that would be the last time I'd see Ms. Kourtney. And it was. She went home and died peacefully in her sleep that night. I was very hurt.
I often wonder if Ms. Kourtney had a relative who called to see why she was always complaining of being in so much pain and what could be done about it. I didn't like the way they handled Ms. Kourtney. I will never forget her.
Everything I do as it relates to CKD is dedicated to Ms. Kourtney And others like her.