Violence Against Women: Transforming from Victim to Conqueror

Violence against women encompasses a multitude of possible behaviors and associated consequences. The most prominent forms are that of domestic violence, rape, incest, and physical child abuse that may or may not be accompanied by an underlying sexual nature. While violence and abuse can take on slight variations, the emotional abuse that it originates from carries the damaging after-effects that cause the recipient to continue to feel victimized.

Victims of rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence become engaged in a lifelong battle from the moment the first act of violence is inflicted upon them. Many of the after effects associated with the original abuse stem from a battered sense of self-esteem. For example, the act of substance abuse is not only tied to a need to numb feelings of anxiety and depression. Substance abuse can also stem from a need to potentially self-destruct in order to gain a source of positive attention or support. It is a dysfunctional way to attempt to reach out for assistance with the inner negative feelings that accompany low self-esteem.

Some of the more serious after-effects of sexual violence against women, such as dissociative identity disorder, will usually require professional treatment. However, many of the emotional after-effects involve calling on one’s own sense of inner strength and willingness to no longer be controlled by external influences. Learning to develop or re-develop one’s own self-concept takes patience, time, and quite a bit of self-examination. Yet, it is crucial to separating one’s identity with the abuse experience.

Self-forgiveness is another aspect associated with moving past the victim identity. Battered women and survivors of abuse tend to place a large amount of blame on their own selves. Victims of violence can do this for the actual act(s) of the abuse, in addition to developing a cycle of high levels of self-criticism and unrealistic expectations for many of life’s aspects.

While recovery from an abusive relationship and acts of sexual violence is an individual process, it is important to not continue in complete isolation. Reaching out to others with similar experiences through professional counseling, support groups, as well as existing social networks, is just as important to the process. Abuse victims often feel alone in their experience(s), that others will think of them as untouchable or unlovable, and intense amounts of shame. Being around others with similar experiences and perspectives can aid in the re-development of trust, healthy coping mechanisms, and a sense of belonging or community.

Sexual violence against women is a cultural aspect of our society that many of us don’t want to acknowledge. It is, in many ways, a result of gender inequalities and power imbalance. Often rooted in emotional abuse tactics, its after-effects can manifest as a life-long struggle for its survivors. Overcoming both the intense negative self-concept and desire to deny the associated feelings of suffering is an individual recovery process that can greatly benefit from outside support. However, in the end it is about the abuse survivor developing a willingness to not allow her identity to be associated with the abuse act(s) or an external perspective of who she should be.

Sources:
(2010). RAINN: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. www.rainn.org.
(2009, May 23). Domestic Violence Against Women: Recognize Patterns, Seek Help. Mayo Clinic.

Read more at Suite101: Violence Against Women: Transforming from Victim to Conqueror http://www.suite101.com/content/violence-against-women-transforming-from-abuse-victim-to-conquer-a302868#ixzz1Ce2ESfcZ

Why I am Hopeful Encouraged and Renewed (HER)

In 2005, I experienced 3 major life changes. In March of that year, I separated from my husband of 16 years. In August, I lost my job and in October, my mom died very suddenly. I didn’t realize that these were major life changes, and I just kept moving on like everything was ok…but everything was not ok and unbeknownst to me, I really wasn’t acting normal.

I decided to start a business and named it HTS - Hayes Technical Solutions for several reasons. One, I wanted to be recognized by my maiden name since I was in the process of a divorce and found myself in a new territory called total independence. Two, because the name pretty much covered everything. I could do it all Event Planning, web design, newsletter...you name it I could do it or so I thought. I was just all over the place, desperately trying to keep my sanity during the darkest period that I had ever encountered. I just wanted to make money. Money means success, right? Success means happiness right? That was my thinking back then. So HTS’s motto became headed towards Success.

One of the first things I did was to publish an e-newsletter. While it focused mostly on the political climate in 2005 – 2007, it also offered information and resources on a variety of topics. I continued to encounter obstacles from a bitter and mean ex husband, to embattlement with my oldest brother to joblessness and three teen-age daughter whom, when sent to stay with their father one summer decided they wanted to stay. After a mental meltdown I stopped everything and for two years went into a deep depression and began using drugs to ease all the hurt that I was feeling. Funny thing is, during all that, I still prayed and read my bible…high and all. Finally I admitted myself into a mental facility for 10 days, and 10 days later, I had a new job as a Student Advisor at a High School. This job doesn’t pay a lot of money, but it is very fulfilling.

The tribulations continued. It seemed as if the devil himself was trying to kill me. In March of 2010, a SEPTA bus ran a red light and had it not been for the grace of GOD himself, I might not be here today. Since my car was paid for I only carried liability insurance with limited tort so I couldn’t sue or get my car replaced. I just kept praying and kept it moving, saved up some more and got another car in May. On November 5, my middle daughter was in labor and I waited for her call to go to the hospital. Around 10pm, someone rode down my street and, out of all the cars on the street, hit my car and tore it up! Did I have the right insurance this time? NO. But I am not discouraged.

On New Year’s Eve, I reviewed the events of my life over the last 10 years… All the eye opening realities that I can see now that I’ve removed those dare rose-colored glasses. I left that 3-story 6 bedroom house; I left my mother’s house that was full of more unpleasant memories than pleasant ones. I now live in a one-bedroom tri-plex, with no car for the first time in 20 years…and I realized…I’D NEVER BEEN HAPPIER! I have that peace that surpasses all understanding.
I AM HER…HEALED, EMPOWERED AND RENEWED.

I decided to re-launch my e-publication on February 23, 2011. Geared towards woman, ages 25 – 60, HER…has a team who is focused on serving our readers with information to Heal, Empower and Renew women’s mind, body and soul.
Our readership spans the US with great emphasis in Chicago, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Texas, Maryland and Wisconsin.

Our Base Team includes Financial Consultant, Anita T. Conner, Tara Colquitt, The Credit Woman, , Hair and Make-up Artist Andrea Powe, Fashion/Beauty Etiquette by Tracey D. Johnson, and yours truly.

I am Her...I am Here

I'm still here.
Many thought I'd
fall...
fail...
crumble...
die...
But still I stand tall
Head held high

In the midst of it all
He kept me
His hand guided me
His love protected me
from dangers...
known and unknown

A CALL TO MEN